Diary of a Gay, Bipolar Mormon by Lawrence Mackenzie
Diary of a Gay, Bipolar Mormon
by Lawrence Mackenzie
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
My Ratings 4.5/5
Synopsis
Born into a devout Mormon family and struggling with his homosexuality, seventeen year old Cameron William James III has never believed himself to be anything other than broken. The perpetual bullying from the popular crowd doesn’t exactly make things any easier. After all, being branded as “The Fag” at his tiny backwater high school is bound to leave its mark. So Cam enlists the help of his best friend Poppy to pose as his fake girlfriend and prove, once and for all, that he’s not gay (even though, spoiler alert, he is). Because, what could possibly go wrong? Yet even kissing Poppy in public (awkward, what does he do with his hands? Why does she smell like vanilla?) doesn’t stop the star quarterback from using Cam as a human punching bag. But when Starlight Show Choir’s best (and hottest) new lead steps in to save him, Cam is suddenly torn between the religion he loves and the undeniable lure that Jay presents. As the dichotomy splits him in two, his behavior grows erratic, which lands him in a mental hospital against his will and brings to light his mixed state bipolar disorder. First love, betrayal, and heartbreak collide as Cam tries to reconcile all the aspects of his life that have made him who he is. But something’s got to give before he falls into the darkness and lies once and for all. Tinged with sassy humor and raw darkness, this own voices story is about friendship, heartache, denial, and acceptance, but also the many ways brokenness can make you stronger. With the stark reality of a teenager trying to figure out why he’s broken, Diary of a Gay, Bipolar Mormon reaches to the heart of everyone who’s ever felt like they deserve less because of who they are.
My Thoughts
I love writing. I always have. But sometimes the thought of writing is scary — not because writing itself terrifies me, but because the possibility of failure does. “What if my writing sucks? What if no one cares?”, these are things I ask myself all the time while sitting on my computer and staring at a blank word doc. I almost always end up picking up a book or switching to the Netflix tab. And let me tell you, it’s stupid. Asking myself “what if?” too soon paralyzes me and stops me from even trying.
The inherent stupidity of this habit of mine became obvious after reading Diary of a Gay, Bipolar Mormon , a book that I adored from the first page. According to me this novel is Lawrence Mackenzie’s wonderful work— he wrote a book about a white, gay man Cameron William James III , Born into a devout Mormon family and struggling with his homosexuality, seventeen year old Cameron William James III has never believed himself to be anything other than broken. The perpetual bullying from the popular crowd doesn’t exactly make things any easier. I think Cameron is terrified of not only failing but of choosing what will define him. Decisions make a man, but only he who isn’t too scared. His thoughts don’t allow him to love, to live a life he wants. That is something that I can relate to. And you probably can, too. We all have something we’d love to try only we’re too scared, we all have our won struggles of life and if you don’t, if you do everything you want to do, I applaud (and envy) you; us mortals need books like this one to remind us that life can be pretty shitty when we care too much about the almighty “what if?”. Diary of a Gay, Bipolar Mormon is a heart-breaking story about a man that is too scared. It’s a novel that shows us how constant bullying and the fear of unknown can stop us from living at all.
I can’t possibly cover the amazingness of this book in one article, but believe me when I say that there’s so much more to unpack, and that it’s worth it to try and do so. I’d recommend this book to anyone. If you care about history or literature, there’s your reason. But even if you don’t, read it. I can promise you that you’ll gain something from it. Some sort of understanding of how you feel about home or identity. What I wrote in this article was my main takeaway, the way the novel helped me put things in perspective, but only by reading it will you know how it changes you. And if it doesn’t, at least you’ll get a great story out of it.
Highly Recommended!
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